Living with a Recovering Drug Addict

Everything that matters to you, matters to us, too. Your family, your relationships, your job, your health and happiness.
But if you are struggling with an alcohol or drug addiction, all that matters is in serious jeopardy. It doesn't have to be
this way. People do change, life can get better.

Thank you so much for this post. I am miserable right now as my wife struggles with her recovery from benzo and alcohol addiction. She is a monster to me sometimes but very loving at other times. Knowing that it isn't supposed to be easy makes it a little less difficult for me.

i want to be supportive to my fiance who is a recovering cocaine addict. He has this way of making everything that could possibly go wrong my fault. A way of making me feel terrible and unloved and sometimes hated. Im uncomfortable in my own home. Although sometimes, though rare these days, he can be so loving. I know this is hard for him and he's probably looking for someone else to blame for his feelings, but it hurts so much. When he was high, he loved me so much (or acted as if he did). Why does he hate me now…2 month sober? Does anyone relate to me? I need help as I want to be supportive, but I feel like I'm falling apart…depressed, etc. Why do I have to suffer and be worse so he can be better?

My Fiance is sober 2 months from cocaine addiction. I know it's hard for him. It's not the first time. We've been together 13 years and have been thru it before. But now, it seems as if he wakes up daily looking for something to be mad at me over. Something simple gets me yelled at and called names. It hurts. It's so hard to be supportive and understanding when I feel unloved, uncomfortable in my home, and sometimes almost hated. Is his getting sober supposed to result in my being depressed? Even when he was high, he acted like I was the best thing in the world (I'm not a user by the way). He was calm and loving and attentive and respectful. Now, he's so mean and unloving and tells me I'm worthless and stupid. Calls me B*tch and C*nt and it hurts. I want to help him through this as I know 2 months sober is no where near through the worst of it. But I feel like I'm losing my mind. Financially things were terrible when he was using. He was also killing himself. And now, he's killing me emotionally. I know they say you hurt the ones you love the most. But that just isn't fair.

I am in a relationship with an active recovering addict. Sometimes I feel like I have to compete, I know his recovery is first but sometimes he outstreches himself and I dont see a balance in his recovery life and his home life.

This is a great informative article. TY

Im the mother of a recovering drug addict she is only 18. Its so hard I thought my stress would lessen after she came home from rehab but I worry 24/7. I feel like Im a failure as a mother and wife I exhaust all my energy on her that it seems like I have nothing to give to anyone else. I worry everyday about what she is doing..talking to etc…Ive got to make the insanity stop before I go crazy!

I just want everyone to know that although its hard in the end its worth it. My fiance is a recovering meth addict and has been sober for 1 year. The majority of the time he is very loving and caring he tries his best to make us all happy. There are however still times when he feels urges and cravings when he becomes mean and uncaring. However, as long as there is love it will work out and your partner will get through it. There will be crying, laughing, happiness, sadness and as long as their is love it will work.

I understand that feeling of competition. I've been living with a recovering addict for the past 3 months. It gets so hard sometimes, I feel like I'm going crazy/losing myself. It seems sometimes that all he talks about is staying clean, going to meetings and staying clean, and going to meetings, and (he has 5 years!) I feel like, when are we going to start actually living our lives, clean and happy?

I feel the same exact way! going through the same!!

I am addicted to opiates. I have taken vicoden and percocet for nearly ten years, and a year ago, I started taking oxycontin, dulaudid, morphine, heroin, etc, and that led into shooting up several times on a daily basis. I have lost everything due to drugs, my home, my car, well most of my belongings except for my clothes. I was an obese person, and lost 110 pounds in a year from drugs. When a user is high, they donot want to eat because it takes away the buzz. My youngest child just turned 18 this past May, and I raised my kids as a single mother. I always worked hard, and maintained a steady job. I have to tell you that my life took a turn for the worst a year ago. I became stressed and walked off of my job with a local cable company, where I was the top sales rep for the state of Ohio for three years in a row. The day I walked off the job, crying, I was introduced to oxycontin, and it all went downhill from there. People on drugs will do things that normally they wouldnt do. I have sold everything I owned all in the name of getting a pill. My reputation in the small county where I live went to hell. I have stolen from my family and friends, and have had trouble maintaining new jobs because of “pill sickness” on days when i had to go to work without any opiates in my system. Pill sickness is withdrawal, and an addict will experience this everyday that they go without anything. When addicts steal from others, it is not because they are looking for a buzz, normally it is to get rid of the sickness, for another day anyways. Addiction takes control, and beating addiction is one of the hardest things I have ever had to face. Admitting my addiction to my family was really hard, and it seems like no matter how hard I try to beat this demon on a daily basis, my family still judges me like I am still an addict. Sometimes I cry because I have such a hard time beating it. My mother told me the other day that she had a dream that she was looking for me because she knew I was on drugs, and when she found me, I turned white and hard like stone and died in her arms. Her telling me that hit me so hard. Shooting up is like one step away from nailing the coffin. I am a recovering drug addict, I am doing this on my own without rehabilitation. No matter how you do it though, its going to be hard. If you have a loved on that you are willing to stand by their side during the recovery process, please be aware that the road will be tough. Moodswings, nausua, sweats, vomiting, diarrhea, anxiety, are just a few of the withdrawal symptoms. My exboyfriend tried so hard to help me beat the addiction, but he did it by being extremely hard on me. He would constantly preach in a harsh tone that I was stronger than the pill, and would demand that I get up and do housework, plant flowers, etc and whatnot while going thru the withdrawals. He made me such a nervous wreck by not letting me beat the addiction on my terms, that I could not do it. Eventually, he just gave up and told me that he didnt love me the same way anymore. Please be very supportive to your loved one beating addiction, and let them know that part of the recovery is on their terms. I fight this battle everyday. Because of an medical conditon called fibromyalgia, I hurt everyday on a daily basis as well. Because of being hospitalized with withdrawal symptoms not too long ago, my doctor cannot prescribe what I need to take the fibro pain away. This throws me back right out into the street to look for what I need to take the pain away. For those of you ready to stand by your loved one thru the rehab process, please do not ever think for a moment that you know that the addict is going thru or how they feel, because unless you have beat addiction yourself, then you know nothing about the battle that lies ahead. Good luck to any addicts who are on the road to recovery, and kudos to those who are making a firm stand to help their loved one beat addiction.

To concerned mom- you MUST begin taking care of you!! I am also the mother of a recovering addict (heroin). He is 24, has been in rehab twice, drug court, and has relapsed countless times. He was homeless and threatening suicide when we gave in and let him pitch a tent in our backyard in June. From there he has since gotten clean on his own, is going to work everyday with his dad, paying off fines and debt to grandparents, and we have let him move into the shop. What changed? I took myself out of the picture. My first priority at this point in time is ME- my health, my marriage, my job, my well-being. I have spent ten years obsessing, controlling (or attempting to), worrying and arranging my life and our family's lives around the addict. No more. If he wants to be part of the family, we are here. If not, we are still here, but going on with our lives. For this moment in time, he has decided to participate in the family, to the extent he can (also dealing with bi-polar and borderline personality disorder- but he is medicated). If that changes tomorrow, it is his choice, and I cannot change it.

IT DOSEN'T MATTER OR YOU WOULDN'T DO IT.

My daughter is recovering from an addiction to prescription pills (not her own prescription)… oxycontin mostly. She has lost soooo much weight and it's so sad. She looks like the kids on the commercials that ask for donations to feed the hungry. She's changed, too. The way she talks, the way she thinks, I mean it's very easy to understand that something has happened in her life. She has moved out of the boyfriend's (supplier's) house, broken up with him, and moved back home with me. So far so good. It's only been 4 days. I really could use some suggestions…. she's only 20 years old and deserves to be happy and healthy. Thanks in advance for this lost mom….

MoM – Continue to support your daughter and suggest alternate treatment options to help with detox, possible counseling, things to help get to the underlying issues and help improve the overall health. oxycontin is a devastating drug and take a toll on a person both physically and mentally. This is great that she is doing good so far, and I would recommend some professional help to get her started on a better track. She might not be to open to it as she has stayed sober for this long so far, but ensure her that this is the best approach as this drug can take over again and it does not take much to slip up, even if it's that one time.

I am at a lost!! I lay in bed praying to my higher power to please guide me, as i am losing myself! on the outside everyone sees a fake of me and this so called “happy” marriage i am in, & how lucky i am.. but i am not, i struggle everyday to have that happiness … my husband recently came out of re-hab in october and was nearly days away from receiving his 3 month chip. he relapsed, i don't what to do! it has now happened twice in 2 weeks.. i have been dealing with his addiction for yearly 1 year and a half! i feel like i just can't anymore, none the less afford it! i am barely sticking my head out of the water… we have our own business & if he keeps this downward spiral the business will go down as well. i barely made it thru the month, having to hit our savings for operations. he is the core of the business, the ONLY one who brings the business in and out. without him being all there, we won't have nothing… i am afraid! real afraid! i have kept from my family and friends but feel that it is all coming to an end… i have attended some nar-anon & al-anon meetings, but haven't kept going. i have never left there feeling better. i know deep in my heart that i can not do nothing to stop him, nor control him. i love him and know he deeply loves me too! we go to church everyyyy Sunday, feed the homeless once a month, but i can't and will not ever understand him nor know what is going on inside him to keep going back to drugs… does he want it or not ? i hurt soooo much if it wouldn't be for his crack addiction ever arising in his life again, we would be nearly perfect .. and i honestly mean perfect … financially we are ok, but it will and has taken a toll, & i know if he falls he won't care about loosing all, he's been there … i recently told him i give up… i don't want any part of the business nor financial help from him, i am updating my resume and preparing for the worse i know that his window of using gets smaller and smaller as he keeps using, for now he binges for 8 hours drinks himself to sleep and wakes up the next day like nothing, and at work… but that won't last for long and soon he will be using every other day and not showing up to his business … i don't what else to say or do … it is sooo unfair to me when the only now 2 things that are left for me to be truly happy is him to be sober & for me to have a baby he is sooo stubborn and thinks that since his addiction is crack that he should be able to have a drink here and there or a joint, because when i met him almost 4 years ago he was drinking occasionally and smoking pot occasionally and never did crack … i told him after what we have been through the only thing that will keep you sober is your willingness and complete sobriety … i am sorry to spill my life out here, i have no one to talk to and the few i do say i dont' deserve him and to just walk out … my heart still believes he can do it … but my faith in him is running/ran out

I have been struggling with my boyfriends addiction for a year and a half, he has done so many hurtful things and thought of only himself which I understand is what the disease does, he is a heroin addict which started as a simple perc here and there, he has gone to detox 5 times and this time to a rehab center, the problem I have is he has pretty much detroyed my trust and now lives in a coed facility and all the articles I read(I have spent hours looking for some sort of support, I have none left) speak of how I need to be strong and not co dependant, that I have to detach, and I try so hard so we can get our life back, after seeing this I wonder if maybe we never will! I think its probably best for us both if I walk away!

thank you so much for sharing. i am literally in a mirror right now and it feels better to know i am not alone. i don't know what to do to help him (my husband) overcome his addiction. God knows I would do it for him if I could. I feel so alone when i find out he's using again and I'm so tired of fighting the addiction. Since the addiction came into full light, I have gained weight and am relying on my anxiety/depression meds to pull me thru. I don't know you personally but I will pray for you and your strength. God Bless

My boyfriend of three years is an addict. He just went to jail for possession of another persons meds. It's a controled medication but it's his first time in jail for it. I know that he has had an increasing problem with being addicted to pills. He is screwing up his life and just being down right horrible to me. For a while he tried to stop but the need to do it became so high again that he started it all over again. I don't know how much more of this I can take. When he's sober he's so nice and gentle and loving and good to be around. The rest of the time
He's mean and rude and he's lying to me. How do I continue to try? He wants to change. He's told me. How do I stay strong enough to help him and face the ridicule of my own parents for trying to help save a seeming sinking ship. Please help. What do I do?

My ex fiance in sept of 2010 was put on a sleeping med called ambien. He took the sleeping medicine and did not realize he took other meds percect oxycotin and zanax. Well I took him to hospital cause he was all out of his head. Well told the truth said he had been on percect for 8 yrs when he was with his ex wife cause she cheated on him. I had noticed he was always sleepy and never had any money I always paid for gas food and any extras. Well he went to rehab for one month came out saying he could not be with me anymore that he could not have a relationship with anyone. I am not a addict and never done drugs. Well he had been going to all his meetings and 1 mth later he met a recovering addict and moved in with her. Just dont understand?

i am a recovering addict have had years of soberity under my belt but gave up in light of obstacles that are inffront of me but i have learned i gave up on me and never looked at who was arounded when i needed help getting back up and back on track my first wife went threw hell with me i always felt helpless even sober i have relapsed do to i can have a drink i realize i cant because 1 leads to 2 then 3 then everything else but i learned if you let me keep doing it i didnt think they loved me and i let them go but they just dint know how to get me to stop so i finally realized what love meansn

Recovery is a lifelong process, and to be sober is to live! I have been in recovery for 3 years and I honestly didn’t know how to live at first. I am truly grateful to be sober by God’s grace, and believe me, your partner is better off sober! Sobriety is a celebration of life because the using years were the walking dead years. It’s not easy living life on life’s terms without medicating yourself, it’s a process. Help him celebrate living sober one day at a time because youu are blessed with the best part of him! Go to some meetings with him, good luck and God bless!

I think you have the right idea! I am a recovering alcoholic of 3 years and I had to want it for myself! As bad as we want to help a loved one or make them better, you can’t wish him sober. It took me a lot of years of heartache and broken relationships to get it! Go focus on yourself and pray for him. If and when he decides to get help, then it’s ok to be a support system, but until then ther’es not much you can do. Relationships like this will drain the life out of you if you let them, and if you value yours,walk away…at least for now. Maybe, just maybe, it might be the wake up call that he needs. Try to look at it as saving two lives, and not a loss!

I feel like I am going crazy, at times!!!! My finace is addictted to oxy’s. He’s been doing pretty much anything he can get his hands on since he was 14 years old. I met this guy for the first time when I was 12 years old and I can remember there being something between us, we just got along really well!!! I thought about him a lot over the years and he tells me he did the same. A mutual friend of ours reconnect us and the moment I seen him this overwhelming feeling of warmth and happiness came over me…..OUr relationship moved along quite quickly after that. I had know clue that he was a drug addict!!! When I did find out though, I continued with the relationship not totally understanding the seriousness of ADDICTION!!!!!!!!! He has done many things over the last year to really hurt not only me, but himself as well. About a 11/2 ago I decided that it would be best for him to leave. I let him know that I loved him very much and that I would be there to support him when hedecided to sober up. He has been clean for 3 weeks now, but I just can’t seem to believe that he is, I kno w that is very early in recovery, but I feel what I feel!!! He attends meetings rarely, once a week maybe and I just feel as though he is not taking this seriously…..Oh yea and I just found out that I am pregnant!!! Feed back pls….

Thank you for sharing your story. I am married to an addict and I appreciate to other perspective. I don’t know if you are truly ready to treat your fibromyalgia with a non-narcotic, but you can ask for cymbalta which is indicated to manage fibro. Just a non- addictive option for you. nnMy prayers go out to you,

Love can never really be erased and if you love him then you gotta make him see that . When he realizes Love is the srongest drug on Earth he wont need the other drugs. Love will make you strong and see you through the worst of times.As for your parents , you need to put it to them that if it was one of you would you give up on the one you Love? So if you love him then you will be the one who pulls him through this. Remember real Love is hard to come by so if you think you have found it hold on to it

i can really relate to everyone here; my boyfriend has been in recovery for about a year now; except that he was re-united with one of his dope smokin buddies about 2 months ago. He literally left a bad situation with literally the clothes on his back and was clean for fourteen whole months…we were going to see his ol’ friend ‘bob’ and, one day, we were having some problems and he wanted to go fishing with Bob. So they took off…he called me after an hour, everything was fine. He was on his way home. a couple hours went by and I got concerned so I called; no answer. He came home at 8 p.m., crying and mentally beating himself up. He apologized up one side and down the other. I’m so sorry I let you down. I F–d up. My heart sunk. He was doing SO good! How could he throw away a whole YEAR of sobriety?? He kept saying that at least he only spent $20. Well, that’s $20 we don’t have and besides, when his bank statement came in, I looked it over and, from what I can tell, he spent more like $60. nnI was so mad, not so much at him but more at Bob, who I believe was trying to get him to slip. Bob is one of those people who is lazy and miserable with life in general and wants to bring someone else down. I was a little upset at him. He kept saying over and over when he made the decision to stop using ‘people, places, things…you gota get rid of people places things…” I was very supportive, I mean, after all, he did tell me about it. He said he would understand if I didn’t want to be with him any more. But I didn’t want that. I did tell him that he really needed to re-evaluate his friendship. He agreed but the next day he decided that Bob was too good a friend. He did tell bob that he would have to stop talking to him if it ever happened again (I guess that was a half a$$ attempt at setting boundaries). nnIt was so hard for me not to blame myself over this whole thing. I mean, If I didn’t make such a big deal over something so petty, maybe it wouldn’t have happened. But I realize that I can’t make decisions for him. nnI have noticed that, since the relapse episode, he’s been a lot more grouchy, restless, he gets on my case a lot more. I have fibromyalgia and also deal with depression and anxiety and sometimes I have a really hard time with things. But when he wants to do something or go somewhere, he makes me feel like I’m holding him back. If I want to do something he doesn’t want to do, he procrastinates or suddenly starts hurting etc. But, since he doesn’t have a liscence, I carry the burden of driving him around. He recently started making these comments, impling that, because I’m not a morning person, it’s basically my fault that he can’t find a job. This is because he wants to get up and start his job hunt at 7:30 in the morning. Yeah, right. I told him that I’ll take him to look for a job…no, i don’t want to burden you…I cause you enough grief as it is…I said that if he wakes me up early enough, we can get out to look for a job at 8 or 9 but he said half the day is gone by then. Really? I thought most buisinesses were just starting to open at 8 or 9. Again, I must remind myslf that it isn’t my fault he lost his liscence. It’s not easy and it still hurts my feelings. The thing is, I can’t help but feel like something is terribly wrong. I get this feeling that he wants to take my car and do something besides look for a job…Am I crazy? Is this paranoid thinking? Something isn’t right. He’s so moody. He’s ben saying hurtful things…like one day we went to this party…I’m not much of a party-go er and I don’t drinlk. I didn’t know any of these people and they didn’t seem to like me anyway. He kept saying how I must be bored out of my mind etc. Then he said “Sometimes I wish you did drink, maybe it would loosen you up”. Now, I thought that was realy hurtful and unnecesary.nnAnyway, I’m sure none of this makes any sense. My problem is, just like a lot of other people, there isn’t any one to ttalk to and it isn’t healthy to keep it all bottled up. I wish everyone the best of luck, it isn’t easy loving someone who’s dealing with addiction and / or recovery…maybe I should seed out an alanon meeting. I’d just have to hide it though because I don’t think he would like me going to meetings.

i am so blessed by running into this site, My fiance is a recovering drug and alcohol addict..he has been clean for almost 2 yrs. He is also very loving and caring but unfortunately that doesnt last long. It seems like all his anger is being taken out on me, i love him so much…but how much is this love worth, is it worth the name calling? the humiliation, the holes in the walls. I have read in so many articles that all this is normal, that this too will pass, but just today i don’t know if when i get home he will be ok its either i get home to a loving man, a depressed man or a man i want to avoid at all costs. I would love to have a normal life but i dont even know if this excists. I feel like i am living in a nightmare and want my loving boyfriend to stay. I don’t understand why all this anger and hate stays with them why do they have to hurt the ones that love them most. I don’t know wether i should stay because i love him or leave him because he doesnt know how to love me, he just says he thinks im going to hurt him like everybody else and is afraid to get too close to me but yet he wants to marry me this is just too much to understand and very painful to deal with…

i met this guy a few days before he went to rehab, i let him know that i had experience in supporting people through addiction and let him know if he needed someone to talk to he could come to me. When in rehab, i was the only person he asked about and he also wrote to me. When he got out i was the first person he told. we began hanging out and it turned into a relationship. Although he knew that coming out of rehab he was not suppose to be in a relationship, he asked me to be his girlfriend. This was about 3 weeks ago. we never fought and it seemed like everything was going great, than the other day, on his 60 days sober, he broke up with me out of nowhere and started being mean to me and wouldn’t talk to me about it. I’ve never been an addict myself, so i am just looking for a different outlook on this, i am very hurt and confused and just want to understand.

I feel the same way.u00a0 It’s like doc jekyl and mr hide.u00a0 I suffer and am trying to recover from p.t.s.d. anyway.u00a0 I already feel unheard, worthless, that there is something wrong with me.u00a0 He won’t be encouraging or caring or considerate of my feelings at all.u00a0 He says it’s not easy for him to be nice. u00a0If I ever say anything to him, he gets angry and blames me for everything. SUPER defensive,cruel and cold.u00a0u00a0I know he doesn’t accept himself so how can he accept me.u00a0 He is also a neat freak.u00a0 Hense the whole reason to use alcohol,u00a0weed or anything to calm him down. Because he doesn’t know how to cope or calm down on his own.u00a0 Therefore, he can’t handle mess in any form.u00a0 He can’t “rest” he says unless the house isu00a0straightened how he likes it.u00a0 Even though no matter what i do, it’s not good enough. We’ve been together for 7 years.u00a0 He has broken up with me numerous times. You just never know, things come out from no where.u00a0 He doesn’t communicate things well. So,u00a0when he has broken up with me,u00a0it comes out ofu00a0know where andu00a0makes up reasons. Never straight forward.u00a0 Heu00a0is angryu00a0and miserable now because he has given up his last addiction recently.u00a0 Which was weed.u00a0 He is having a very difficult time with it.nu00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0n

The Partnership at Drugfree.org launched an exciting and exclusive offer for their Time to Get Help community.u00a0 Having a child with a drug or alcohol problem is emotionally and financially draining,u00a0 thatu2019s whyu00a0 The Partnership and Target have teamed up! u00a0New and existing parents who are registered on the Time to Get Help site will receive 15% off their next Target purchase.u00a0 In addition, one lucky parent will win a $500 gift basket from Target for sharing their story in the Share Your Story section.u00a0u00a0To learn more clicku00a0nhttp://timetogethelp.drugfree.org/community/helping-hand/treatment/need-referral

I just married a recovering coke addict. We’ve been together for a year and he has relapsed four times in the year. He is the most loving, attentive, respectful man I’ve ever met. I trust him on all levels except when it comes to his addiction. Every day he tells me that I’m beautiful, that he’s crazy about me, and that he agonizes when he’s not with me. u00a0But, when he does… the back of my mind is saying “Then WHY did you disappear last week for 12 hours and blow 400.00 of our hard earned money” ? If he’s so happy and in love with me, why does he choose tou00a0deceive me? u00a0Our relationship is absolutely amazing… and then all the sudden he doesn’t answer my text, phone calls and no one seems to know where he is. u00a0nHe tells me he goes into a dark hole and doesn’t answer my text because he is ashamed. I don’t have any addiction issues. So my understanding is a zero. I have had a trauma that took counseling and a lot of time to get over. I still have triggers here and there that I just blow off because I refuse to allow it to destroy me. u00a0Is that any kind of comparison? u00a0I doubt it, but it’s the only one I have. u00a0I’m trying so hard to understand why. If he’s so happy and so in love, why would he risk our marriage by relapsing? u00a0I thought our love would be strong enough to conquer this addiction. u00a0Apparently not. u00a0I’m not sure how many more times I can spend the night worrying if he is alive or not. crying with a broken heart. Wondering when he will come home…. u00a0The pain is intense. u00a0He always has some lame excuse why he had to run to his “dark side”. I just can’t understand “It’s theu00a0disease” as the only reason. I took his money away from him. u00a0I told him that he can’t have any cash and I feel horrible for it. I know that if he want’s it bad enough, he’ll find a way to get it. I just don’t know what else to do. u00a0If he’s so in love with me, if he’s so happy and he seems to be, why? why? why? u00a0He claims that he won’t do it again, because he see’s things in a new light. u00a0I feel like it’s genuine for the moment. But I can’t trust it. u00a0I just don’t know what to do. I told him soon after he came back from his relapse that if he did it again, I would leave him. I’m just so lost.u00a0

Norma thanks for your honesty.i as suppose to get marrie this month but called everything off,my fiance had been clean for 2yrs,an recently hsd 2 relapses in the past 3 months. He is my heart,but after the last relapse,i told him to never contact me again an get help. After a week of rehab I accepted his call. I told him he destroyed my trust an if he continues like thid he will be dead in a year,he has health problems feom years of abuse an a bad heart. My family hates him especially my mom.they cannot figure out why an educated,nurse,an minister would be in love with a crack addict. Its simple wjen he is not using he is a great man. I continue to party that God kills this addiction demon,so that we can live our lives. He said he is done,an wantd me kn his life. Only God can help him stay clean,he has voluntarily checked himself in longterm rehab for 6monthd,an I pray he is successful. I want him to be clean an healthy for himself not me.

Jabby,u00a0nnMy heart goes out to you. My husband and I married less than a year ago. A few months after our honey moon I began finding syringes and empty bottles of phentyl and morphine (he’s a nurse) around our house. He would tell me that he accidentally brought them home from work, and in my denial I believed him for a while. However, as the addiction got worse, it became more obvious. Everything came to a head when my sisters house burned down and he barely cared and made me go to hold my sisters hand alone. Then that night heu00a0disappearedu00a0for several hours late into the night with out answering his phone. When he finally re-appeared I told him that I wasn’t doing this anymore and that he needed to fix this and do it now. At this point I had found an entire garbage bag full of needles, syringes and various hospital drugs and I confronted him with it. He said he knew that he needed to fix it. The next day he went to work, and I stayed home to help my sister. He never came home from work, he wouldn’t answer his phone and it remained that way for the next 24 hours in which I was forced to call the police, his family, my family, and his co-workers in au00a0desperate attempt to find him. My first big clue was when a co-worker called to tell me that she thought she had seen him looking at hotels before she left that day, so I reported this to the police, who then used his cell phone signal to track him. He had stolen as many drugs as he could from work and tried to overdose in a hotel room. He’s lucky to be alive.u00a0nFor a long time after this I blamed myself, I kept thinking that if I hadn’t threatened to leave him, then this wouldn’t have happened. But, since that time I have began therapy for myself because I couldn’t deal this these emotions alone. What I have learned is that by telling him that I would leave, I did exactly what I should have done. Also, that his recovery and addiction are hisu00a0responsibility…not mine.u00a0nAddicts need to know that they will not always have someone u00a0to catch them when they fall and someone will no always be there to tell them that it’s ok and they are still loved. You don’t deserve to feel the way that you do!!! You shouldn’t have to be waiting for the next time he decides to “go to his dark place” his dark place, is not your dark place. Please, please go to a narconon meeting or gets some therapy for yourself, this doesn’t have to be your life.

You are not alone my friend. u00a0mine as as yours only children involved-none adult child, one minor. u00a0Everything goes including all the people trying tonsave the addicts. u00a0It takes its toll. u00a0I will pray for you. u00a0you are a good man,ngood person. u00a0Don’t give up. When you cant take anymore find support,nand know that you did all you could. u00a0Save yourself. Don’t die with her. Life is short.

I am 13 years old and living with my parents 2 older sisters (27 & 18) and my 24 year old brother. My brother as most was/is addicted to cocaine. He was in rehab for 8 months and just came back a week ago. I love him to death and cry every day about him. I feel so stressed and just want to know he will be fine, but I know there is a chance of relapse. I am trying my hardest for that not to happen but you never know. I know I am younger than most of you but I have the same emotions. I am scared everyday that he will relapse and or I will never see him again. I pray everyday for drug addicts everywhere including my brother.

DUDE i would let him do his drug so he can make that money, in the meantime i would start searchin and prepping a way to stand on ur own that way if he does relapse for long term u got u covered. REMEMBER THE ONLY WAY A ADDICT WILL QUIT IS IF THEY ARE READY OR INCARCERATED FOR A LONG TIME.

I needed this. My ex boyfriend and I got back together after two years. We broke up because of the incessant problems between us. At that point I only knew he was smoking up, only after I broke up – kept hanging on waiting for him for a few months until I found out that he had been hiding a girlfriend from me and let go totally – did I find out that he had been doing heroin and yaba (a drug that’s way stronger than ecstasy). He went through enough and then jail finally made him stop. It was only after that that I got back in touch with him. I supported him as much as I could. He had a health scare sometime after that. It broke me but he always kept it aloof. My mother died from cancer seven years ago. I was with her through the entire two-year struggle. And to know that my boyfriend (at that point we were not yet dating) could be just as ill, killed me. We found out later that what he had was not malignant and with medication, he was better.nnI finally gave in ten months ago. Sometimes, I really wonder why. Good memories, maybe. Sometimes he is so amazing. So sincere and honest. I have not loved anyone except him. Neither have I ever had boyfriends who lasted longer a few months. I enjoy hanging out with him. The difference between now and a few years back is this different level of understanding we’ve reached. I’m calmer, I see things clearly, and I don’t push as much. But sometimes I wish I did.nnI feel he takes me for granted. I started my post grad last year. Night school.Work in the morning and classes at night. I was exhausted enough as it was. I even changes jobs a few months ago. But by then we were having fights and then we’d not talk for days after. I love him. I believe it will work, which is why I stay. But I always wonder at the back of my head – what the fuck am I doing?!nnThe thing is, people experiment with drugs. Fine. That is, until a few get hooked. You gotta ask why. I keep ignoring the fact that he went through that episode around the time of our breakup. I always think that’s way too short a period to be called an “addiction”. The fact of the matter is he always used to experiment with the other stuff, but only take weed regularly. Even when we met six years ago. Please, take it from me – that is never a good sign. Anything that changes your personality, slightly even, is not good on a regular basis. No. You get hooked. He started needing weed every time he’d have problems with his job or in his family. Until that time when he was doing heroin almost every single day. Even if it was for no longer than five or six months tops. Weed is the doorway to other dugs. Even he says that now.nnAnyway, I would forget. That he has emotional issues. That he can’t deal with stress or failure which is why he bot into drugs so seriously. I forgot a few months ago when I was desperately looking for jobs, and I didn’t understand why he was being so mean to me at such a low time of my life. And I forgot again a month ago when my father got diagnosed withu00a0leukaemia. I am with my father always. He never even called, forget coming to the hospital to see me, when my dad’s blood count crashed. I feel so alone, and I always made excuses for him. I am still, now. I get so elated with the peanuts he throws me sometimes. Lol. A rare call. A rare message to say he loves me and misses me.nnI needed this. I needed to read all these posts to just remind me that this is normal. And what’s more, I needed to get this off my chest. I can’t tell anyone freely. I feel like I have to protect him even now. I know what I have to do, I just don’t have the strength right now. I know he loves me. At the same time, I know the immense sacrifices I have to make in my life to ensure things are ok with us. And I know the intense bouts of loneliness I have to go through because he can’t deal with the stress and related emotions that life will always throw at us.nnIt’s not the drug addiction that is the core problem. It’s why they got hooked. All drug addicts, at least most, just don’t have the emotional strength to deal with life. Good luck too all who loves someone like this.

I so apprecaite reading all these post!u00a0 I’ve been dealing with a husband who has gone from using alchohol and was sober for 10 years then startedu00a0pain pills to cough medicine!u00a0 I feel stupid, hurt, worn out and have listened to him lie, steal only to take him to rehab and watch him relapse.u00a0 This has gone on for 5 years.u00a0 I can’t believe I used to feel like a strong independent woman who has continued to let this control not only his life but mine!u00a0 Each time he would either seek rehab/therapist or doctors I would have a little hope only to have the wind knocked right out of me!u00a0 It has sucked!u00a0 I got to meetings and hear of others that have led a sober life for many years and wonder why he can’t.u00a0 So after 5 years, with tears in my eyes, my heart STILL aches but I have to come to the conclusion to go on with my life without him.u00a0 I can’t do it anymore.u00a0 Please pray for me as I need to find strength.u00a0 I know this is going to be a long and scary journey but one I must make.